


Always Travelin' But Not In Love (So Please Be Kind If I'm a Mess)

by WitchStuff



Series: Bright Young Things (temporary name) [3]
Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Genre: F/M, Gay Male Character, LGBTQ Themes, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-11
Updated: 2016-06-11
Packaged: 2018-07-14 11:02:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7168412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WitchStuff/pseuds/WitchStuff
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i> "Chop and Iz, Finn and Rae, everyone together and happy and in love, no one is hurting or breaking up or running away. He loves them so much his heart is bursting. He just sometimes wishes they weren't so... coupley." </i> </p><p>Archie knows he should settle for what he can get, and not develop crushes on boys he can never have.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Always Travelin' But Not In Love (So Please Be Kind If I'm a Mess)

**Author's Note:**

> Third story following “Bright Young Things” and “Don’t Think Twice, It’s Alright”.  
> This might eventually be a proper series with some major plot line for some long neglected characters. 
> 
> Thank you, lovely friend and hand-holder (and beta-reader to the stars), @madfatty, for telling me again and again for over a year that I can just post this story even if the entire series isn’t written yet. You’ll make a writer of me yet.

It’s funny how you can know someone for years and not really notice they’re male, let alone a fine, mouth-watering specimen of manhood.

It starts in the lunch queue. Reaching for the greens, Archie notices the hand of a guy queuing behind him. Slender musician’s fingers, sexy veins delicately crossing and stretching as the guy reaches for the pudding. A thin leather strip round the wrist, along with a simple black string that’s tied in a loose knot, and the whole thing is kinda hot. Archie looks up to see to whom this lovely appendage is appended, and is taken aback. Adam Blackwell? He’s known him since primary school, and has never entertained any sinful thoughts about him.

But looking at him now, seems like the summer has been good to Adam. He’s taller, more angular. Under his baggy clothes everything looked firm and tight.

Didn’t he used to be a spotty geek? And he used to comb his hair backwards, but now there is a wave of gorgeous black hair pouring over one eye. He’s wearing thick-rimmed glasses, and apparently sometime during the long seconds that Archie’s spent staring at him, Adam has been staring right back.

Archie mentally slaps himself into focus. “Oh, hiya Adam”, he croaks, lamely.

“Alright, Archie?”

“Yeah, good.”

They move another step up the queue, Archie thinking hard, looking for something else to say. “Had a good summer, yeah?” Fuck, what a twattish thing to ask, a month into the school year.

Adam doesn’t comment on it though, just says, “Yeah, been keeping busy.” and reaches across Archie to grab a bottle of pop from the top shelf. Archie gets a brief glimpse of a forearm, also very attractive. _Yeah_ , is his line of thought, _obviously you’ve been busy becoming a sexier version of Jarvis Cocker_. He glances up at Adam (shit, didn’t he used to be taller than this bloke? He can’t really remember) and notices the thick black lashes, the gorgeous green eyes behind those cool-as-fuck glasses and oh shit, he’s staring again.

Luckily, Adam mistakes his perving on him for something different. His hand goes to the frame of his glasses. “Yeah, I know, we have the same model.”

Archie’s startled. “Oh, do we? …yeah, I was just thinking. Weren’t sure.”

“Yeah, I noticed it back when college started. So embarrassing.” He says sarcastically and smiled, as they step out of the queue, heading for the tables.  
“Right,” Archie replies quickly, trying for a laugh, “like we wore the same dress to a party.”

Crickets.

Nice one, Arch. Why bother coming out dramatically, when you could have just kept saying shit like that.

“Anyway, don’t worry. I told everyone that you had them first, so your street-cred is safe.”

“Oh, well, good. That stuff is really hard to maintain. Once people start to question the authenticity of your eyewear you’re fucked.” _Shut up Archie, shut up, shut up!_

But this time Adam laughs a bit. “Lucky I got your back.”

“Yeah, thanks for that.”

They part ways with a smile, each to join his own group of friends. Archie sits next to Rae and across from Izzy and Chop, who are sharing a tray of food and feeding each other and kissing and being gross.

“Ugh,” he says to Rae in a disgusted tone as she kisses his cheek hello. “Are they being cute again?”

“Yeah, it’s revolting.”

“Oi!” Chop says.

“We get it. You’re visiting your girlfriend during her lunch hour. You love her, she loves you, we KNOW.” Rae drawls at them, but in a good-natured way.

“Wait till Finn gets here and we’ll see who’s all cute and disgusting and _mwah mwah_ …” Izzy makes kissing noises and faces but is quickly distracted by Chop being distracted by the kissing noises. It’s the loop of their cuteness and it is how it should be. Chop and Iz, Finn and Rae, everyone together and happy and in love, no one is hurting or breaking up or running away. He loves them so much his heart is bursting.

He just sometimes wishes they weren’t so… coupley.

He knows Chloe feels this way as well, because they share looks and secret half-smiles (only rarely are they bitter ones) across tables when the gang is together. The lonely bum-boy in a town full of straight guys, and the messed-up former-slut paying for her sins. At least they are alone together, he thinks.

His eyes wander over to the other side of the hall where Adam is sitting with his back to the group, with three people Archie doesn’t know. Two boys and one girl, and they all look geeky and bookish, wearing really bad, baggy clothes.

“Who was that?” Rae asks in his ear, over the chatter of the dining hall, once she realizes she’s lost Chop and Izzy. “Saw you two all smiley over the cottage pie.” She smirks and nudges him.

“His name’s Adam, he’s always been around.”

“Friend of yours?” Rae takes a sip out of her water bottle. In front of her there is a plate with some bits of food on it, that hasn’t been touched much if he’s any judge. _Must be one of those days,_ he thinks, _when it’s hard for her_. He doesn’t comment, but he rests his hand on her thigh for support, and she takes the opportunity to drop the pretence of having lunch and leans her chin on his shoulder, peering over at Adam Blackwell’s table.

“Nah, never really talked much. Never gave him the time of day, really. Obviously a gross oversight on my part.”

“What, d'you fancy him?” She shakes her head against his shoulder. “There you go again. I cannot put my finger on your type.”

“What? Look how cute he is. Look at his hair, Rae. I’m telling you, up close he looks like he belongs on an album cover.” She’s still not convinced so he presses the point, “Ya gotta look past those jeans and that fuck-ugly shirt. Put him in tight black leather, put some mascara on that boy,” He stops and looks around, suddenly remembering where they are. Yeah, he’s out and that, but these people are not ready for full-on “Work it, girlfriend!” mode. Except for Rae, bless her wonderful little heart, she’s always right there with him.

“Fuck, yeah!” she whisper-shouts, smacking his shoulder. “I can totally see it! He could be a rock god! Strap a guitar on this puppy, leather pants, boots, a tight T-shirt -”

“No T-shirt.” Archie corrects, and she nods.

“Yes. Archer, you’re a genius. And I think your type is becoming clearer -”

"Alright?” Finn takes a seat on the other side of Rae, making them both move a little closer to the edge of the bench. Much like Izzy’s predictions, there are cutesy smiles and blushes and some kissing (though, thank God, Finn and Rae aren’t as big on the PDA as the other couple). “What’re you two talking about?”

“Boys.” Rae volunteers with a smile.

“Eh?” from Finn. “No, no.” He shakes his head wisely. “There are no boys in your world, m’dear.”

“Oh, no?”

“Nah.”

“Shame,” she says and, if possible, leans even more into her boyfriend. “Got me eye on this one lad. So fit and cool and pretty, I bet he kisses like an angel.”

Archie watches from the sidelines as Finn stares at Rae, and Rae smirks at Finn, aaaaanndd… he’s lost them.

As he’s leaving the hall twenty minutes later, he bumps into Adam Blackwell yet again. They smile and say “Hey,” and Archie wonders if it’s actually this easy to re-befriend someone you’ve not really been friends with, well, ever.

“You work at the Leisure Centre, right?” Adam suddenly asks as they walk together down the hallway. “Seen you there couple of times.”

“Yeah, worked there all summer. Didn’t see you…” he trails off, suddenly embarrassed. Adam turns his head away and mumbles, “Yeah, I know. Well,” he suddenly makes a half-turn on the spot, a graceful and completely cool move, and walks a few steps backwards down the other hall. “I’ll say hello next time, shall I?” he says as a kind of goodbye, and turns to leave.

“Oh, no,” Archie croaks after him, and Adam turns, “It was a summer job, I’m not there anymore.”

“Oh. Well, see you around, then, I s'pose.” And with another graceful turn, he’s giving Archie his retreating back.

Archie slouches towards the bathroom, furiously thinking, _shit, should’ve taken that offer to work part-time at the Centre during college._

He’s still thinking about that missed opportunity when he’s entering the classroom, and it’s still going on in his head half way through class. Adam Blackwell in the pool. Adam Blackwell in the sauna. Adam Blackwell through the keyhole -

At which point he gives himself a mental slap - second of the day - and snaps out of it. The last thing he needs is another pathetic, useless crush on some guy. His life as an out gay boy around Stamford is complicated enough, between his family and the random wankers who always have something to say.

Not to mention the recent development in the form of the ‘odd’ hook-up with a certain older man. George, formally known as Rock God, formally of Archie’s fantasies, lately of humiliating and exciting groping sessions in various locations.

He knew the first time it happened that it’s not what he wants. Despite that, Archie still makes his way to London at least once a fortnight. Fucking a virtual stranger in bathroom stalls and later a dingy apartment round the corner from the club is never his intention when going. He always means to be strong and resist George’s incredible sex appeal and no-nonsense seduction. If you can even call it that when the seducee is already 99% up for it anyway. It’s sex, and sex is awesome. It’s better to have that than to not have anything at all. You take what you can get.

It’s not like he has a chance at anything else, right? Not like he’s gonna get a proper boyfriend in hetero-land, or at the clubs. Proper love; that comes with affection, with trust and respect - love like his mates have - is so far away for him, so out of his reach…

Archie swallows the sudden tears that choke his throat. “Fuck it all.” comes out of his mouth in a whisper.

“Mr. Tyler, are you with us?” asks the teacher.

No, he’s not. He pretty much forgot where he was.

“Yeah, sorry. Can I be excused? Not feeling well.” he mumbles, already picking up his things. He knows he’ll get permission. He’s the star student, isn’t he? He’d never lie to get out of class, would he? Not when there are only about five minutes left.

Walking to his locker, Archie wishes that he wasn’t such a star, such a good boy. That he could just fuck off for the rest of the day. Suddenly he needs to be alone so badly. He’s looking towards the end of the hall, actually contemplating leaving, when a door further down opens and Adam Blackwell walks out with a group of smiling and excited people. They’re all huggy and smiley. Why wouldn’t they be?

He catches some of their words, but not enough to make sense.

“- amazing! Loved her! I hope she sticks around -”

“Yeah, she was well hot -’

“Oh, was she, Xander?”

“Is that supposed to insult me? ’Cause you know, Xander’s my boy!”

The happy group turns a corner, Adam bringing up the rear, with his arm around a skinny girl in overalls. “You guys are so easily distracted. Is no-one gonna say anything about freakin’ Angel?!”

The girl shakes her head. “Yeah, yeah, you’re boyfriend’s back, we get it, Adam!”

“Yes!”

“You’re never gonna shut up about him now, huh?”

The last thing Archie sees before they all disappear round the corner is Adam throwing his hands up above his head, yelling, “Never!” to sounds of laughter.

Oh.

Wait.

What?

Archie’s back hits the wall, all the breath leaving his body. Thoughts crowd his mind all at once, clamouring to be examined. What did he just witness? Does Adam Blackwell have a boyfriend? Is Adam gay?

As far as Archie knew, there were no other ‘out’ gay boys at college. Not someone like him, who walks about school to the constant background noise of whispers and ugly sniggers, the occasional “faggot” thrown his way. It’s not been easy since his big confession, and Lois practically posting it on the campus bulletin board. Still, better than holding it all in, he supposes. Archie didn’t doubt that some guys were in fact into other guys around here (he knew about two of them for sure), but they were all hiding. And Archie himself was out, but he wouldn’t even dream of shouting the word “boyfriend” down the halls, even surrounded by his friends.

And Adam’s friends seemed very comfortable with the situation. This Angel guy was obviously someone they all knew very well. So, like… a proper boyfriend, then.

Archie huffs, a half laugh of disbelief. He can’t explain it, but suddenly, his heart feels lighter; a glimmer of hope he has pretty much given up on feeling again. Not because Adam Blackwell, cute, graceful Adam, isn’t such a long shot all of a sudden, but because suddenly, there were gay blokes right here, around him, just… living.  

Before London, he always had this vague idea that there would someday be a boy. They would like each other a bit, and flirt in a very surreptitious way, until finally, someone would ask someone out on an awkward but wonderful date, which would lead to a hesitant kiss and then some heated groping, and then, at some point, sex. It would just happen, the way it had for his mates, who found each other because they were hanging around each other all the time.

But after the Lois thing, he’s started to see things differently. He supposes something naive about him has faded away. Because he actually thought for a brief second that Barney could be that boy but that all took a turn when the rumours about Archie coming out had started circulating and Barney had retreated so far back into the closet, he was never to be seen again.

And then there was George - the very opposite of a boyfriend. He was very dedicated to Archie’s sexual education, but never had much to say to him before or after. He wasn’t there to coach a young pup and give him pointers on being a happy and productive member of the homo-nation. He just wanted a piece of arse.

Archie didn’t blame George for not giving a shit, just like he didn’t blame Barney for turning his back on the whole thing and for starting to date girls like crazy. His eyes were open. Who would choose this if they had to?

It was never his intention to go to George and let him use him and, he supposed, use the guy right back, but he did it anyway. Because he thinks he’s figured out that there will never be a boyfriend, not for him. He’ll never have what Chop and Izzy have, or have anyone look at him like Finn looks at Rae. Archie caught a lucky break meeting a gorgeous, super-sexy older man who is willing to make time for him whenever he happens to get to London, fucking him all night and letting him stay until the trains start running in the morning. He’s stopped expecting more.

And now, all of a sudden, this Adam thing. Adam, who smiled at Archie, was nice to him, who seemed so happy today; probably because his boyfriend came back from wherever. Just like anyone would be. And Adam must know about Archie, he must do, because everyone bloody does. And he didn’t say anything, he was just, normal. As if it was no big deal.

Because… it wasn’t, maybe?

Another sound escapes his lips, and he’s surprised to find it’s laughter again, despite the slight burning of tears behind his eyes.

“Hey, mate, where did you go?” Finn is walking towards him down the hall, which is filling up with students coming out of classrooms. Archie straightens up, manages a wobbly smile.

“Just needed to get out of there, you know?”

“Yeah, ‘course.” Finn’s arm goes around Archie’s neck to bring him closer. “D'you want to skip the rest of the day and go somewhere with us?”

Archie gives him a grateful but suspicious look as they start walking down the hall. Even though he’d had the exact same thought just minutes ago, he knows that’s a ridiculous idea. Archie doesn’t skip class, he’s the star student.

“Who’s going?”

“Rae and me. And you.”

“Rae’s skipping? How did you ever manage to get her to agree?”

Finn laughs. “Can’t tell ya and you don’t want to know.”

“Where are you guys going?”

“No idea. Nowhere near here.”

“A solid plan then.”

“Like all my plans, right?”

“And for this plan, you really need a third wheel.”

Finn looks at him briefly as he pushes the back door open and steps out. “Rae said you’d say that. She said to tell you to stop being an old woman and shut up and just come with us.”

“Yeah, right.”

“Swear! She made me memorize it an’ all. Said not to come out without ya.”

So they walk down the steps. Far ahead they can see Rae hiding behind some trees, trying to glare at them from a distance, making “hurry up” motions with her hands.

“Your girlfriend is bossy.”

“Yeah, I’m lucky.” Finn’s wearing a huge, proud grin.

Archie laughs and Finn nudges him as he puts his sunglasses on. “When you find your guy, if he’s even half as awesome as Rae, you’ll know you’ve done good.”

Archie swallows against the flurry of emotions spreading through him. _When you find your guy_ , Finn says. _When_.

He pushes his glasses up his nose as they cross the grass towards the trees. “I’m not worried,” he deadpans. “Rae will let me know if I’ve chosen the wrong one.”  
  


_End (for now)_

**Author's Note:**

> Title is taken from Rufus Wainwright lyrics ("Oh, What a World" / "Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk".


End file.
